I wanted to share a few things that touched me on the weekend. Grace was all around, as I imagine it always is on a retreat, especially a silent one where so much work is done interiorly. These are some of the big things that spoke to my soul and made me go, "Ahh, yes".
"To rescue a slave, he gave away His son." - I am that slave. Slave to my sins and weaknesses.
"God is greater than our mistakes and sins." This always amazes me when I hear it and I need to hear it over and over. It's one of those head/heart things. My head wants to say, "yea, ok, I understand that. it's common sense, right?", but thankfully my heart knows just how much and often I need to hear it and is in awe as if it is the very first time.
"May my trust in Christ be proportioned to His Trust in ME" - This was one of the fruits we were to pray for during our meditation on Matthew 14:22-33. It's the story of the storm and Peter's walk on water. Father explained that the Apostles had been on a boat in a storm all night and then they see Jesus coming toward them, walking on the water. Peter's faith and trust in Jesus bring him to abandon the boat after hours of fighting the storm and walk on the water.
Father said, "Not by running away from challenges will we grow, but by facing them head-on. It is there that we meet Jesus, in our struggles. He can use our weaknesses in the solutions."
As long as Peter trusts Jesus, he walks on water. It reminds me of a song we used to sing years ago in New Orleans, "If I Keep My Eyes on Jesus, I can Walk on Water."
"Maybe things fall apart because I take the credit and I'm trying to control everything. I don't let God take care of things and I get in His way most of the time." Which of course = lack of trust. - This was HUGE for me. For the life of me I can't understand why I have such a hard time trusting such a loving, merciful, and trustworthy God who has proven all of those things to me over and over EVEN though He is God and doesn't need to prove anything to insignificant me. He also didn't have to die a horrible, tortuous, death for the selfish sins I commit everyday, but He did that also, because He can't bear the thought of spending eternity without me. Jesus, I trust in You.
And finally, (although I have so many more, I thought this was enough for now)
"God speaks with mankind, proposing a way of life, and awaiting a free response." which seems to go hand in hand with "Personal experience of God through prayer is HOW we taste and see how good God is." He never stops calling us to a life with Him. He has so much to give us, give ME. I need to respond to Him, spend time with Him, personally experience Him.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
Silent Retreat
I attended a silent retreat this weekend. Everyone should attend a silent retreat in their lifetime. A warning, however, you will be hooked. I was so excited in the days building up to the retreat. I knew it was my own private little get away with Jesus and I miss connecting with Him on that level. Try as I might throughout the rest of the year, "busy"ness and demands of the vocation of wife and motherhood doesn't set an environment for deep connection with Jesus. I try to spend at least 15 minutes of quality one and one time with Him in the morning and I know that all I do as wife and mother is in service to Him. I also attend Eucharistic adoration every other week, but there is truly something about being emersed in the presence of Jesus with very little distractions for more than a 48 hour period that is like a much needed drink of water to the soul. It results in the most profound peace.
The retreat began on Friday night, at which time the silence begins, and doesn't end until after 11:00 mass on Sunday. For me, Friday night is spent trying to clear my mind and soul and leaving the world behind. This is a difficult task and usually takes the entire of Friday night. I had an experience this time on Friday night in our first meditation talk. I'm not sure what the priest was saying, but he was trying to be funny and telling jokes and I was there for spiritual food so in my head, I started to judge him. Can you believe? I thought to myself, "How did he become a priest? " The nerve of me. I have been known to exaggerate to tell a good story, but I am NOT exaggerating when I say that not even 10 minutes later he starts to go into his "how I became a priest" story, which was absolutely beautiful. He even remarked that he didn't know how he got on that tangent. I couldn't believe that either. I knew beyond a doubt that Jesus was telling me, "I'm here and I've got things under control. Don't worry and let me handle things." By the way, that priest was awesome and in so many talks Jesus used him to talk to me in a profound way. That same priest would give a talk on the last day of the retreat on the topic "How to live a joy-filled life". One of the main practical points: stop the RATS (really awful thoughts) in your head. How ironic (not).
Saturday is the longest day ever and a work day, but I am so happy to go through this day. For me, there is lots of crying, reflection, weeping, bearing of my soul, and sobbing. This is the day of the Passion. There's something to be said for examining your conscience right in the middle of a 3 day silent retreat. There is no where to run. No where to hide. It's just you and your sins. It also helps that one of the meditations that day is the Passion of Jesus. A whole talk on how much Jesus loves me that He took on my sins. I spent at least an hour gazing at Jesus on the Cross. Looking at how ugly and painful my sins were for Him, brings true contrition. A painful process, but Praise God that the Resurrection is around the corner because we should never stop at the sinfulness. There's always the Resurrection.
By the end of Saturday peace begins to emerge. I've received Jesus, prayed the Rosary, walked the Stations of the Cross, spent time adoring Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, prepared my Program of Life (where we identify areas of our lives where root sins keep us from growing in holiness and come up with concrete ways to build virtues in those areas), met with a spiritual guide, meditated upon many aspects of Jesus' life and ways I can build my trust in Him, tried to truly understand His love for me, contemplated God's compassionate Mercy towards me, and given Him all of my burdens. In addition to all of that, I experienced a most profound and healing confession and I am now ready for the Resurrection.
It slips in very quietly, very peacefully. I believe it was that night when we were given time to examine our conscience and as I looked into my soul, I found the most profound peace. That peace that surpasses understanding. I found Jesus there. I had worked hard on cleaning out my soul and HE was there!!!! That one which my heart desires. There really was nothing to say. At that moment nothing in the world mattered but HE and I. We just basked in that peace and love for as long we could. I knew it would only last, if I was lucky, through the next day. I knew once the silence was broken, it would disappear. Not that HE would disappear, but my ability to access Him in the deep depths of my soul would disappear when I stepped back into the world. He would always be there waiting for me and will happily and lovingly take any time I will give Him; ten minutes here and a prayer of desperation there, but sadly that moment won't come again for a long time. I know it is only a drop in the ocean that is heaven, but it was my little taste of heaven. Heaven: my true home.
The retreat began on Friday night, at which time the silence begins, and doesn't end until after 11:00 mass on Sunday. For me, Friday night is spent trying to clear my mind and soul and leaving the world behind. This is a difficult task and usually takes the entire of Friday night. I had an experience this time on Friday night in our first meditation talk. I'm not sure what the priest was saying, but he was trying to be funny and telling jokes and I was there for spiritual food so in my head, I started to judge him. Can you believe? I thought to myself, "How did he become a priest? " The nerve of me. I have been known to exaggerate to tell a good story, but I am NOT exaggerating when I say that not even 10 minutes later he starts to go into his "how I became a priest" story, which was absolutely beautiful. He even remarked that he didn't know how he got on that tangent. I couldn't believe that either. I knew beyond a doubt that Jesus was telling me, "I'm here and I've got things under control. Don't worry and let me handle things." By the way, that priest was awesome and in so many talks Jesus used him to talk to me in a profound way. That same priest would give a talk on the last day of the retreat on the topic "How to live a joy-filled life". One of the main practical points: stop the RATS (really awful thoughts) in your head. How ironic (not).
Saturday is the longest day ever and a work day, but I am so happy to go through this day. For me, there is lots of crying, reflection, weeping, bearing of my soul, and sobbing. This is the day of the Passion. There's something to be said for examining your conscience right in the middle of a 3 day silent retreat. There is no where to run. No where to hide. It's just you and your sins. It also helps that one of the meditations that day is the Passion of Jesus. A whole talk on how much Jesus loves me that He took on my sins. I spent at least an hour gazing at Jesus on the Cross. Looking at how ugly and painful my sins were for Him, brings true contrition. A painful process, but Praise God that the Resurrection is around the corner because we should never stop at the sinfulness. There's always the Resurrection.
By the end of Saturday peace begins to emerge. I've received Jesus, prayed the Rosary, walked the Stations of the Cross, spent time adoring Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, prepared my Program of Life (where we identify areas of our lives where root sins keep us from growing in holiness and come up with concrete ways to build virtues in those areas), met with a spiritual guide, meditated upon many aspects of Jesus' life and ways I can build my trust in Him, tried to truly understand His love for me, contemplated God's compassionate Mercy towards me, and given Him all of my burdens. In addition to all of that, I experienced a most profound and healing confession and I am now ready for the Resurrection.
It slips in very quietly, very peacefully. I believe it was that night when we were given time to examine our conscience and as I looked into my soul, I found the most profound peace. That peace that surpasses understanding. I found Jesus there. I had worked hard on cleaning out my soul and HE was there!!!! That one which my heart desires. There really was nothing to say. At that moment nothing in the world mattered but HE and I. We just basked in that peace and love for as long we could. I knew it would only last, if I was lucky, through the next day. I knew once the silence was broken, it would disappear. Not that HE would disappear, but my ability to access Him in the deep depths of my soul would disappear when I stepped back into the world. He would always be there waiting for me and will happily and lovingly take any time I will give Him; ten minutes here and a prayer of desperation there, but sadly that moment won't come again for a long time. I know it is only a drop in the ocean that is heaven, but it was my little taste of heaven. Heaven: my true home.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Carving Pumpkins
Here is our small attempt to keep Holy - Halloween. I'm still not quite sure how to handle "Halloween", but this is what we did this year. I found this little poem, which we read as we were carving our pumpkins. We talked about sin, a little, since my children are so young. Although Andrew is beginning to understand the concept of sin. Also, because they will see many scary things, we spoke about how some choose to use Halloween to celebrate evil, but we are going to just have fun dressing up and collecting candy and letting the light of Jesus in our hearts shine. We prayed for everyone we will see on Halloween.
ALSO, we celebrated All Saints Day on Monday by gathering photos, statues, and cards of our favorite Saints and making an All Saints Day altar on our mantel. The boys really enjoyed this. WE then prayed a litany to the Saints. I regret not getting a photo of our All Saints Day altar. Maybe next year.
Here is the poem:
Being a Christian is like being a pumpkin.
God lifts you up, takes you in, and washes all the dirt off of you.
He opens you up, touches you deep inside and scoops out all of the yucky stuff -- including the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc.
Then He carves you a bright new smiling face and puts His light inside of you to shine for all the world to see!
ALSO, we celebrated All Saints Day on Monday by gathering photos, statues, and cards of our favorite Saints and making an All Saints Day altar on our mantel. The boys really enjoyed this. WE then prayed a litany to the Saints. I regret not getting a photo of our All Saints Day altar. Maybe next year.
Here is the poem:
Being a Christian is like being a pumpkin.
God lifts you up, takes you in, and washes all the dirt off of you.
He opens you up, touches you deep inside and scoops out all of the yucky stuff -- including the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc.
Then He carves you a bright new smiling face and puts His light inside of you to shine for all the world to see!
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Contemplating Halloween Revisited
Maybe a possible solution to the "Halloween issue" instead of boycotting Halloween all together is to use this as a teaching moment. Here is a wonderful link that I found. Enjoy!
Obviously, I am still trying to figure out this blogging thing. I thought I had linked the link, but apparently had not.
By the way, there are also links from this link that are great so keep searching once you are here:
Here it is: http://catholiccuisine.blogspot.com/2010/10/saint-o-lantern-link-up.html
Obviously, I am still trying to figure out this blogging thing. I thought I had linked the link, but apparently had not.
By the way, there are also links from this link that are great so keep searching once you are here:
Here it is: http://catholiccuisine.blogspot.com/2010/10/saint-o-lantern-link-up.html
Friday, October 29, 2010
SHIRT OF FLAME: WHY I KNEEL
Since the only meaningful thing I did today was laundry: didn't shower, didn't get dressed, basically ignored my kids all day (did I really admit that), I had ample time on my hands between loads.
I found two blogs which I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!!!!!
One is here with a link to a post that brought tears to my eyes. I have NO doubt I will be posting a link to another in the near future.
SHIRT OF FLAME: WHY I KNEEL: "Genuflect: late Latin genuflectere, from Latin genu, knee, and flectere, to bend. Date: 1630. 1.a. to bend the knee. b. to touch the knee to..."
I found two blogs which I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!!!!!
One is here with a link to a post that brought tears to my eyes. I have NO doubt I will be posting a link to another in the near future.
SHIRT OF FLAME: WHY I KNEEL: "Genuflect: late Latin genuflectere, from Latin genu, knee, and flectere, to bend. Date: 1630. 1.a. to bend the knee. b. to touch the knee to..."
Contemplating Halloween
Contemplating Halloween
In addition to laundry, laughter, and jammies on this Friday, (now afternoon and still no shower), I have been contemplating Halloween which is around the corner. I know many families who do not "celebrate" Halloween and I respect them for that choice. Bruce and I have allowed the boys to dress up and trick or treat that past few years because, let's face it, to them the only meaning it holds is that they get to dress up and get candy.
Having said that, I feel that this will be the last Halloween that we won't have to think about what Halloween actually is or means. So I have been thinking about that alot lately. I have heard some who claim that Halloween, which actually means "Holy Eve", has it's tradition as the Eve of All Saint's Day and there is nothing wrong with celebrating the traditional Halloween. After all, we celebrated Halloween when we were children, right? I guess what is eating at me or disturbing my peace about all of this is that while Halloween is fun with the candy, treats, dressing up, and a little spookiness, the underlying premise of Halloween is that it has become a celebration for what is evil. However, the scariest part of all is that it is packaged to children as fun. It makes me almost want to cry when I see a child (or baby) dressed up as the devil or a witch. I mean there is no such thing as a good witch. How can a person reconcile serving Jesus Christ and being a witch? It's like oil and water. Wicca is real. There are real witches. Some may say I am making too big of a deal. Maybe so. However, I DO know that we exist in the midst of a spiritual world which is in a constant battle for our souls. One side is working to assure our salvation and that our eternal souls are spent in the kingdom of God while the other is NOT. It just seems prudent to do all you can to NOT give the other side any advantage. Is celebrating Halloween opening a door that we don't want opened? I'm not 100% sure of that, but I am certainly going to pray and discern over the next year.
Friday
Casual Friday
It is 12:30 and for the second Friday in a row, I find myself having not showered and still in my jammies. Besides the fact that I am the biggest procrastinator I know, I think the reason for this is that we go and go and go all week long that on Fridays (when we have no real place we have to be), I just enjoy lounging around all morning long. Who am I kidding? My 4th load of laundry is in the washer while 5th and 6th lay in sorted piles on my kitchen floor. But I do enjoy not having to rush to be somewhere. Even if I do enjoy it so much so that I can't even bring myself to shower and get dressed.Missing My Camera
A few months ago I dropped my camera on the ground. As a result, it doesn't close and the battery is always dead. The only way I can take a picture is immediately after my battery has been charged. This leaves those spontaneous photo ops gone forever. There were two this morning that were hilarious and I really regret missing them. However, both reminded me of old photos of Andrew so I am going to attempt to at least give an idea of what they were.
1st - Above is Andrew at about 21 months. Ok, I was unloading the dishwasher in the kitchen when I look into the living room and am surprised by the cutest little moon. Picture Mark in this exact same outfit (shirt and boots), but with no diaper AND bent over cleaning up toys. It was hilarious!!!
In an aside, Mark is 34 months old and wearing the same jammies Andrew wore at 21 months)
In an aside, Mark is 34 months old and wearing the same jammies Andrew wore at 21 months)
2nd missed photo op - Again this is Andrew at about 19 months wearing his Halloween costume, which looked at little snug then. The missed photo op was that Andrew (my boy who absolutely LOVES to dress up and pretend) had that same costume on today. He wore it for almost an hour. I have no idea HOW he got it on.. I do know that when he was ready to take it off, it took us about 10 minutes. He started to panic at one point and when it was finally off he said, "I thought I'd have to wear that forever."
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