Lesson from Jesus

Those of you who may not have seen me in the past 2 years may not know that i have gained a considerable amount of weight after the birth of my second son. I have developed some really problematic issues with food in the sense that I use for comfort and to relief stress.  Since i have really been trying to grow closer to Jesus over the past few months, it occurred to me about a month ago that I should turn to Jesus for comfort and peace instead of food.  DUH!  The only problem is that Jesus is very quiet and not pushy while food is right in front of my face and before I can stop to ask Jesus for the comfort and peace I need, I have already shoved 3 cookies into my mouth.  

OK, so I have been trying this and really struggling on my part (Jesus is always there to provide me comfort and peace, but I have to ask).  So, on Friday I decided to start Weight Watchers again.  I asked Bruce and he didn't say much, but kinda agreed.  On Saturday morning Bruce told me that he had researched the web and found a scripture based diet program called Lightweigh and suggested i check it out.   I immediately took this as Bruce was not being supportive of my joining Weight Watchers and said so in so many words.  I reluctantly looked up the website and although it looked good, it would involve me starting a program and it just looked like too much to me so I convinced Bruce to just go along with the Weight Watchers idea.  I had success before with Weight Watchers and needed the outside motivation and support. 

That was Saturday, today is Tuesday.  I received a call from a friend of mine this morning.  This is a friend that I  don't talk to on a regular basis so it was just a little out of the ordinary that she called.  

Here is the what she says:  Erin, I was driving back from Abilene this weekend and i was thinking about weight and food and then I thought of you and how we had spoken before of our poor eating habits and how we use food.  Then I hear on the radio:  Have you tried diet after diet after diet  and they haven't worked.  Well, here is a way to see food in a different way with the help of scripture.  

Well, I guess I don't have to tell you that it was the Lightweigh diet. 

Her words exactly, "It was a minute later, I was freaking out."  So I say, "Do you REALLY want to freak out?" and told her what had happened to me over the weekend.  

Here are the lessons:  

1.   Trust in the Lord.  He will move mountains to help you with something that you need.  Heaven is waiting and willing to help us with everything, even losing weight.

2.  Listen to your HUSBAND.   Especially if you have a husband who seeks the Lord in almost EVERYTHING he does, like mine.  You know, just recently I found myself telling the story of how my spiritual director (when I was single) told a group of us once that we can expect the Lord to speak to us through our husbands and we should look to them as our Spiritual Directors.  I should take that advice myself.  

Praise Jesus!!!!!

 

Bruce and Erin - continues Part II - READ THE FIRST ONE FIRST

There probably wasn't a topic we didn't discuss in those first few weeks.  I started really looking forward to those conversations.  Of course, I had the discernment weekend scheduled and I was going to meet the Bishop of The Grenadines, where I was to go on mission.


Although I was thoroughly enjoying and looking forward to our conversations late into the night, I continued to discern my missionsary calling.  I had always had a desire to be a missionary, but I must admit my desire to be a wife and mother was always stronger.  However, I wanted what God wanted for me, but  I just couldn't figure that out. AND past experience told me that chances are this romance wouldn't play out long term.

After a month of so, Bruce told me that he felt like it was time to meet in person.  He came to New Orleans.  I picked him up at the airport and we went to dinner.  My first thought of him was that he was so cute in manners and looks.  His shyness and kindess was so charming to me.  I could tell he was very nervous, as was I.  He brought me three, was it pink or yellow, roses.  We went to dinner and had a very easy, comfortable conversation.  Again, there was never any awkward moments.  I picked him up at his hotel at 7:30 the next morning for 8:00 mass.  This would be the beginning of a very long day that wouldn't end until 11:00 that night.  We went to mass the next day (Sunday) at St. Louis Cathedral and spent the whole day in the French Quarter.

There was such a peace that weekend.  I can't speak for Bruce, although he did feel it also, but I felt like I had known him my whole life.  Comfort and peace are the words to come to mind to describe that first weekend.

I then went to Chicago for Easter.  What fun we had.  It was great to see Bruce in his own environment.  His family was and is amazing.   It was here that I got to know Bruce, the artist and philosopher.  He has so many dimensions to his personality.  He shared with me his paintings, poetry, and deep love for and connection to music, which we share.  He also shared with me his writings on his "Theology of Design", which amazed and really impressed me.  He also shared with me his love for outdoors.  We went canoeing (on a cold and rainy day).  I didn't really like the cold and rainy part, but loved watching him loading/unloading his canoe, getting everything ready, "reading" the river, and his stories of white water rafting adventures.  It was this weekend that I REALLY became attracted to him and those "really like" feelings started to appear.  However at the end of this trip, he started to get scared and told me that he wanted to slow things down for awhile.  Although I was upset, I had that peace again.  It was a deep down peace that told me that he was scared and we would get through this.  I never really got "upset".  I remember my brother-in-law picked me up from the airport and when he asked, "How did it go?", I  think my reply was something like, "I'm in love" even though he had JUST told me he wanted to slow things down.  I guess I just knew we would be together forever.  Well, of course, he called me 3 days later and everything was back to the way it was.  He didn't really have to explain what happened, I knew it was just an "overwhelmed feeling" because of what was happening to us.

I think we spent about $3000 in May traveling back and forth from New Orleans to Chicago.  At the end of May, I was back on a plane headed to Chicago.  The plane had not taken off yet.  I was thinking and praying and then I started to get that "scared" feeling.  I started to think that I was falling and if this relationship didn't go the distance, I would be devastated.  I was praying, Lord if this isn't the one for me, SHUT the door RIGHT NOW.  It was then that I prayed this prayer, "Guardian Angel, if this is the man God has chosen for me, please tell his heart about the sign."  Remember the sign from 8  years ago,  back in 1996.  I had asked God to chose a husband for me and let me know the one he chose by giving me a sign. I wrote the sign in my journal and NEVER shared it with anyone.  It was that he would give me one long stem red rose.  Over the last 8 years I had gotten 3 pink roses, 3 yellow roses, a single pink rose, and even a dozen red roses.  I even received a card with a photo of a little boy giving a little girl a long stem red rose from the other guy I met and had a relationship on Ave Maria Singles.  I thought that might be the sign, but that relationship didn't turn out.

OK, sitting on the plane for my 2 hour flight to Chicago and pray, "Guardian Angel, if this is the man God has chosen for me, please tell his heart about the sign."  Again that peace was there.  Arrived in Chicago, Bruce picked me up.  When I came down the escalator and he was there waiting for me (just like in a movie) his hands were behind his back.  I greeted him and looked behind his back, NO ROSE.  I was actually looking for it.  Went to the car, put my bags in the back and he opened the car door for me.  There sitting on my seat was a LONG STEM RED ROSE.

The Language of Two Year Olds

Mark is growing so fast.  He has had a recent explosion of language, which is great.  He is trying to say
everything.

Someone really should write a book, although I know it's different for everyone.  I remember Andrew pronouncing some words we had trouble understanding like AniMULES for animals, but Markie is a whole different story:

zwink, pe  = May I have a drink, please?

mine, bubble ik = I would like to buckle myself.

bubba cuck = garbage truck

mine do dat = I did that (he tells on himself all the time)

nano do dat = Andrew hit me or Andrew pushed me or Andrew took my toy away

Ho Mary Ga =  "Holy Mary, Mother of God"  The Hail Mary - that's his entire version.

One more thing I've just got to add.  I guess it isn't REALLY two-year old language, moreso two-year old behavior, I guess.  It is sooo funny NOW, but not at the time.  The other day, I sent Andrew and Mark to the bathroom to wash their hands for dinner.  After a minute, I hear, "MOOOOM, Markie is washing his hands in the toilet water".

Conversations from the Backseat

Mark:  pointing to the scrape on his knee  "Yook mine owie, Nano" (Andrew)
Andrew:  pointing to his knee:  "Yea, that's your knee."
Mark:  looking confused, points to His knee "No, DAT mine knee"
Andrew:  "Markie, we have two knees, two foots, two legs, and two feet.  That's so we can walk.
Mark:  pointing to the scrape on his knee:  "Nano, Yook mine owie".

Bruce and Erin, well just Erin at this point. Part I - READ THIS ONE FIRST

Since one of the reasons for this blog is to preserve memories our family memories, I thought I would write the story of Bruce and I.  Also, I have been inspired by my friend Paula, who is telling she and her husband Bryan's story.

Bruce and I met in March of 2003 just after my 36 th birthday.  However,  the story really doesn't start there.   I'll start in 2002.  I was 35 years old and had been working as a teacher of preschool children with special needs for about 6 years.  I was in adoration one day speaking with Jesus about my life as I often did.   This particular conversation went something like this:  "Jesus, again I come to ask you what it is your plan for my life.  I feel like you are calling me to be a wife and mother, but you haven't brought the right man into my life.  It's time.  I'm 35 years old.   I don't want to be an old maid teacher.  Where is my St. Joseph you have chosen for me.  Send him to me.  It really is time."

You see, after a very rebellious and empty time in my early twenties that was surrounded by drugs and alcohol, Jesus save me in August of 1994.  I fell in love with Jesus and developed a new love for my Catholic Faith.  I surrounded myself with faithful people and read everything I could about Jesus and the Saints, attended every conference and retreat I could. At some point, God gave me the grace to know that the person I was, was not the person HE created me to be, but that I was wounded.  I embarked on an adventure to become "whole".

Around August of 1995,  during a break at a retreat I was attending, I was speaking with an older (wiser) woman about many things.  Among them that I felt like I was called to be a wife and mother.  She told me to ask God to choose my husband for me, since he knew me best, and to ask God for a sign so I would know the man God chose for me.  I was not to tell anyone, not even my best friend, what the sign was. Well, I did what she said and began praying for the man God chose for me.  Little did I know that I would be praying for the next 8 years.  It wasn't 8 years of desperate praying.  It would ebb and flow and at times the prayer was desperate, but mostly just lifting up prayers here and there, always wondering if any new guys that entered my life were THE ONE.  At some point, I started praying novenas to St. Joseph, asking him to help find this man and send him my way.

OK, back to 2002.  I left adoration and went home.  My dear friend Shannon called me the very next day.  She was VERY excited to tell me about a program she saw on EWTN the night before.  It was Abundant Life and the guest speaker had just started a website called Ave Maria Singles.  It was a website for Catholics to meet other Catholics. (YES, we met Online, Can you believe?)  Well, you can imagine my reaction, "I am NOT going on some website to meet a guy."  It seemed a little desperate to me, at the time.  She talked me into coming over to her house so that we could check it out together.  It certainly wasn't your run-of-the mill pick up site.  The questions were mostly essay questions involving issues of faith like "How do you feel about the Eucharist?", "Mary", "the Magestarium of the Church", things like this.  Well, I joined and over the next YEAR  I corresponded with many, many, many, many men (perhaps 60 or so).  It was actually fun and exciting.  I graduated to the phone conversation stage with 4 of those men and actually met and had a short relationship with one.

After the relationship ended, I had at this point pretty much figured that I needed a shake up in my life.  I was attending a retreat based on the Spiritual Excercises of St. Ignatius and decided that I wanted to sell everything I had and become a missionary.  I scheduled a discernment weekend with Big Woods mission and began to give my life's belongings away.  I had told my landlord that I was moving out and was going to finish my school year living at my sister's house so that I could pay off some debt before going into the mission field. In the midst of boxes and distributing my belongings, I checked Ave Maria Singles.  Why?, I'm not sure.  Anyway, there was a message from Bruce.  It was a nice message, but of course, I replied "you seem like a very nice guy, but now is not a good time.  I am quiting Ave Maria Singles and becoming a missionary.  Thank you. Good bye"

He wrote back with a very long letter, telling about his family and I don't really remember what else, but at the end he asked me for my phone number.  Although I don't really remember the contents of the letter, I remember it was sweet and it touched me.  I gave him my sister's phone number.  He called me and I remember his voice was so gentle and peaceful.  It was very calming to me. The conversations came so easily and natural.  There were never any awkward silences.  After a few weeks we were having 3,4,5 hour conversations into the night.   There probably wasn't a topic we didn't discuss in those first few weeks.  I started really looking forward to those conversations.  Of course, I had the discernment weekend scheduled and I was going to meet the Bishop of The Grenadines, where I was to go on mission.

Easter - 2010

Jesus Christ is Risen Today - A-A-A-A-le-e-lu-u-ia!!!  Praise and Glory to you,  Lord Jesus Christ!!

You know that song.  I love that song.  Just singing it brings joy to my heart.  My dream is to start a tradition in our home of waking up on Easter morning and sining that before doing anything else.

This Easter, I woke up with no voice.  Of course, having the hard head that I do, this didn't stop me from attempting to start my tradition.  To which Bruce replies, "HOney, I think you are scaring the boys!"


Other than this incident and my getting sick, it was an absolutely wonderful Easter spent with Grandma and Grandpa.  Unfortunately, we did n't get many Easter photos of Grandma and Grandpa.

Mark find an egg.

Grandma helping Andrew and Mark look for Easter eggs.

Andrew found one!

Our Wonderful Easter Visit with Grandma and Grandpa!!!

Grandpa and Grandma Dvorak spend Easter with us and we had such a wonderful time.  I wish that I could remember more details.  I am just getting posting it and I can't remember why I originally forgot to post both our visit and Easter.  

We spent the day at Washington on the Brazos, particularly the Barrington Living Farm.